Meeting the Gals of Chiang Mai (and yes, they are prettier than me)

Hiya Internet! I have had every intention of seeing a Ladyboy Cabaret show while in Thailand (that would be a drag show to the Westerners). I was in Bangkok for too little time and it was too far from me in Phuket to bother, so I was pretty keen to do this in Chiang Mai rather than attempt to cram it into my limited second trip to Bangkok. Thus, began the search to find which cabaret to patronise.

I kept seeing online only the cabaret in the Night Bazaar. This one charges 390 Baht a person entry fee with a free drink, which is a fraction of the cost in Phuket or Bangkok. It seemed like a deal but then the Tripadvisor reviews were pretty mixed, especially lately, with the main complaint being handsy with the male patrons (not going to be a problem for me) and excessive pressure for tips after the show (now, that I didn’t want). I was so undecided about going at all that I was desperately looked for other shows. Now I had passed another show, 6ixcret (pronounced Secret) which boasted free entry with a two-drink minimum. This left me naturally sceptical because if the big fellow in town is getting pushy for tips with an entrance fee, how much worse would it be without an entrance fee? But I knew where this was and a few evenings I had passed by the gals out in the square (it is located on the edge of an open-air little restaurant market) and they were admittedly gorgeous. Frankly I felt like a fraudulent woman trudging past them in clomp-y shoes, sweating an embarrassing amount, my hair a frizzy mess and whatever concealer I was wearing, pouring off my face along with my sunscreen. I thought I may as well look them up and the reviews were universally positive, describing the show as enjoyable and very good and most importantly, no hard sell for tips. With that I was actually sold!

So, after the Bo Sang touring, I headed to 6ixcret to secure a seat as the web advised arriving early. I timed myself to perfection and arrived just after 9PM with the show due to start at 9:30PM. I got a good seat near the front, no issue, since I was the first one there! Luckily some middle-aged and older Asian gentlemen arrived shortly after me but took up a perch in a booth near the back. I was given the menu, explained the two-drink requirement and ordered while the sound system played loud pop and dance music. My drink arrived and I started sipping slowly. Don’t worry, it was just a soft drink, I might be travelling alone in the relative safety of Thailand but I am not going to drink alcohol in a night-time establishment on my own! I bopped along my head to the music while waiting for the show to start. The table next to me was reserved and soon after a couple arrived, a Western man and an Asian woman. With about 15 minutes to the start of the show, a few more groups arrived and then the loud music was replaced with an intro and then the gals started their first routine.

They were all flawlessly gorgeous with impeccable makeup that would be the envy of anyone who applies makeup and so beautiful, they were the envy of any woman – seriously in the audience, I looked like the one badly faking being a woman! The costumes were suitably spectacular for any drag or cabaret show. There is a bevy of incredible looking gals and they are ably supported by a quartet of backup dancers, young men dressed as men with a bit of artful makeup. The routines are energetic, well-choreographed and perfectly executed by the gals (the boys timing slips occasionally but you only have eyes for the gals anyway). The lip syncing overall is very good, some songs with more complicated words or a faster tempo lose some of the accuracy of enunciation, but this doesn’t detract at all and the syncing is excellent for second language English speakers. It is no secret (haha, puns) that I was falling in performance love with all the gals.

The show is supposed to run from 9:30PM to 11:30PM but with little breaks to allow the audience to buy drinks, the performers to change and all of us consuming liquids to make more room. This last one was actually essential as the toilets are in the nearby shopping mall and whatever you are drinking, it is going to go through you as the club is wonderfully airconditioned. I was actually amazed that it had been raining during the show when I dashed out for my own bit of relief just after 11PM.

The first half is so much fun with colourful, resort or cabaret style numbers and many singalong tunes. But for me the standout highlights of the first half were a flawless rendition of That’s The Way It Is by Celine Dion (a natural choice for queens) and a rousingly perfect, Tina Turner-esque Proud Mary. “That’s The Way It Is” is one of my early teen jams, it and the accompanying video were like a beacon in a confusing rush into adolescence at the time and even twenty years later (goodness, I am that old and adult now!) it is still a textbook power pop ballad, almost up-tempo Dion number. The performer was incredible, her dress a red-carpet worthy stunner, the makeup, jewellery and hair just faultless and the lip syncing on this was out of this world, even the Dion warbling was “note” perfect. Then Proud Mary was a Tina Turner worthy production with numerous backup gals and our lead performer all in sequined little dresses. They got the crowd on their feet and tried to get a round robin singalong going with the audience. Now this did not work out so well with much of the audience, as a large contingent of them were Spanish speakers (I think), and obviously didn’t know the words, whilst I, a native English speaker with ample Western exposure, knew the words and mouthed and sang along with gusto. This endeared me to “Tina” (actually Monica Queen @Monicashowgirl, I Instagram stalked her) and she even directed the mic at me a few times as part of the audience participation. During one of the breaks, she came up to speak to me and was delighted and awed to hear that I had come all the way from South Africa and was so proud (oh, goodness, save me from the puns!) of me for coming to do the trip alone. She promised the second half would be even more spectacular and promised me loads of photos after the show.

During the break Nana Sphera (more 6ixcret Instagram stalking) came up to me too in her next very Lady Gaga-esque performance piece and we took selfies and chatted. She is also incredible and one of my favourites, her figure is just spot-on amazing, but also womanly (Monica is just soooo skinny, she is model sized or smaller). And I was quite overwhelmed by the warmth and kindness of the gals and their interest in me – a mousy, straight woman on her own (even if I do know almost all the words)! The bar and wait staff were also friendly, delightful and not too pushy.

The club’s punted big draw was Kandy Zyanide a competitor on Thailand’s Drag Race. She is undoubtedly very, very good, her first number being a very male audience participation heavy and she got quite naughty, but all the men, gay or straight, seemed very into it, so everyone was having lots of fun. She also had some of the big-name star’s numbers, especially in the second half, like Beyonce and an impeccable rendition of Britney Spears’ Toxic, complete with stewardess outfit and the infamous sheer, sparkly bodysuit. She also displayed mind-blowing athleticism (as did all the performers, most significantly in the second half) doing somersaults, flying splits, even a flip over a fellow performer at the end, all in sky-high heels!

I can’t even pinpoint all the fabulousness of the second half, but it was spectacular and so much fun. There were 80s hits, more Britney, ABBA at the end, a perfect Born This Way-Era Lady Gaga performance, Monica doing Kylie Minogue and in a 20s style flapper dress and short wig (her figure is just perfect for that). Nana had a very impressive (both performance and visually) number in her Gaga outfit. Also, another of my close gal-pals (she came to talk to me during a break and was also enchanted by my South African-ness – I am exotic in Thailand y’all) had a Taylor Swift Blank Space performance that was incredible. Her gown was in keeping with the video, her syncing was flawless, her attitude, moves, interaction with the men in the audience, it was like a recreation of the video – there was even a burn book which actually burned! The performance was on fire (I apologise, will let myself out)! There was just so much glam and fun. I was dancing in my seat, mouthing all the words, having a whale of a time.

Then after all the official performances were over after midnight. The gals started doing intros for each performer to music, vogueing and executing more and more insane gymnastic style moves, this was while a tip box was prominently displayed and brought round. It was not pushy at all and we had just had an amazing two and a half hours of entertainment (the breaks were actually very much needed) and everyone (I think at any rate) were gladly digging into their wallets for tips.

After this, music was playing and all the gals gathered on the stage to take photos of the groups. Monica and others made sure I was not pushed aside or forgotten and she made sure to tell the group that I was from South Africa – Kandy was excited by this. One of the backup boys took numerous photos to make sure I had sufficient in my phone and then Monica came to take selfies and chat with me more. She asked how I was getting home and if my hotel was far, she was being like a big sister, so sweet. I stayed for a bit longer but it was well after midnight and it is about a twenty-minute walk back to the guest house. I finally took my leave and hugged Monica for the umpteenth time and said I would come back if I had the time. I really want to; I just have to figure out a night I can manage to go there and leave after midnight.

Maybe a Drag/Ladyboy cabaret is not for everyone, but I had so much fun, even with just soft drinks, I felt drunk on the atmosphere by the time I left. This was one of the most unadulterated pieces of fun I have had in Thailand, so simple, not tiring, no drama (only what was playing out on the stage for laughs). It was a really great time! I can’t recommend it enough, other than to say, if you are male you might get pawed, but you have to expect it. Now, the red hat needs some grub, off I go…